While I was away, the ground underneath Detroit collapsed and the sky lit on fire and the end of days was right up Woodward Ave. Honestly, can't we just lock UAW president Ron Gettelfinger and Tennessee Sen. Bob Corker in a steel-cage so they might have it out for real? Only one will emerge under his own power. And frankly, at this point, I don't even really care which one it is.

Ah, but the CTS, right? Yeah, brilliant car. I really like it and it's not every car I would say that about after three days of non-stop driving across some of America's less-dramatic landscape. As my desire to reach home grew my patience with left-lane dawdlers shrank. Through Illinois and Indiana, where traffic was light, I set the CTS's cruise control to a speed that felt right in the Caddy but was apparently considerably higher than others on the road that evening. No problem: I got my system down and everything. 1. Approach slow car at good clip. 2. Make sure he knows you're there. 3. Flick off cruise and back off slightly. 4. Hit the resume button as he starts to swerve to the right. This method resulted in a minimal loss of speed for me and was unspeakably satisfying when it all went to plan. And when, it didn't, I always had the Caddy's 300-plus horsepower to power around the occasional comatose driver.

Make the jump for final figures and a special surprise!